Well, to introduce you to the Retard of the Day, you first need to put yourself into that position. Your back’s really, really itching. You can’t reach it to scratch it. You try and you try, and finally, decide that you need some kind of back-scratching apparatus to really relieve that itch. So what do you use?

Hairbrush? No, not long enough. Spatula? No, too bendy. Hey, I know!! Why not a revolver??

Oh, wait, because it might go off and you’ll have ended up a retard who just shot yourself? Bingo!

A Fort Worth man trying to scratch an itch on his back used a revolver and accidentally shot himself.

Jorge Espinal, 44, was drinking beer and playing poker around 3 a.m. Sunday in his home in the 3500 block of Montague Street, when he got up from the table and walked into another room, said Fort Worth police Lt. Kenneth Dean.

“He told officers he had an itch on his back and grabbed the first thing he could get a hold of, which was a revolver,” Lt. Dean said. “The gun went off.”

Mr. Espinal went back and told his buddies that he shot himself. “They didn’t believe him until they saw the blood coming down his back,” Lt. Dean said.

Mr. Espinal was taken to an area hospital, where he was treated and released with non-life-threatening injuries.

Idiot.

Darwin Awards, baby. That’s all I gotta say. I get the feeling this guy will be nominated for one someday.

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