I’m not saying that a woman should be expected to plan her entire life to please a man. But when you do something that you know he won’t like for purely selfish reasons, don’t delude yourself that it is anything other than purely selfish reasons.”

This reasoning makes no sense at all. Drinking, gambling, etc. are behaviors that have drastic influence on a relationship; getting a haircut is not.

If I had a guy who said something to me like, “No, I’m not drinking tonight while we are at the bar because I’m watching my diet” or “I don’t care if you like my hair long (I like guys with long hair), I’m cutting it because it’s a pain in the ass”, I would love it!!! I can’t stand men (or people in general) with no backbone.

And personally, I’d much rather see Catherine Zeta Jones with a short bob, accentuating her neck and her beautiful features, than with the usual long hair. A man who thinks that an average woman with beautiful long hair is, as a result, a beautiful woman, does not know what he’s talking about. Yes hair can make you look better or worse, but it will never, ever, make you beautiful.

Love is not just what you want or expect, beauty is not black and white, as simple as that.

Where this falls apart Jay, is that all of these examples are some undesirable behavior. Cutting your own hair is not a change that effects what should matter in a relationship. All of the things you mentioned are things a jerk would do, but how is getting a hair cut being a jerk?

If two people have been in a happy relationship for a while and a man all of a sudden does a complete about face and ignores his girlfriend altogether, gambles, and gets wasted all the time, he’s engaging in some destructive behavior. Surely you can see this is much more serious then adopting a bob.

I don’t think when my boyfriend decides he wants to wear facial hair for a change he’s being selfish. I think it makes him happy. And regardless of how much I like the various styles, I understand that it doesn’t change who he is or how he feels about me. If he didn’t afford me the same respect as I do him, I don’t think it would be a truly healthy relationship.

Oh, that’s an easy question: The answer is “No”. Do you really, honestly, think that what a man wants most in a woman is that she be concerned only about herself and not care about pleasing him? Really now. Suppose your boyfriend or husband said, “I don’t care that you don’t like it when I do X, I’m going to do it anyway because I feel like it.” Fill in whatever you like for X: heavy drinking, gambling, spending all his time with his friends instead of with you, etc. Would you find such “self-confidence” sexy and attactive? Or would you think he’s being a jerk?

I’m not saying that a woman should be expected to plan her entire life to please a man. But when you do something that you know he won’t like for purely selfish reasons, don’t delude yourself that it is anything other than purely selfish reasons.