Today, John Hawkins put up a post at Right Wing News about Feministing Executive Editor Jessica Valenti’s new book, The Purity Myth.
Last night on instant messenger, a female friend of mine sent me a link to a new book that Jessica Valenti over at Feministing is coming out with. Yes, believe it or not, this apparently isn’t some sort of off-the-wall parody — it’s a real book[.]
After sending me the link, my friend’s comment was, “What is it with feminists and wanting to turn America’s teenagers into raging whores?”
Good question.
Yeah, that would be me. Here’s what the book cover looks like:
Sigh. Where to even begin.
For what its worth, Jessica seems to have an obsession with sluttiness. She has some kind of particular aversion to girls practicing abstinence, or at the very least, not wallowing in the hook-up culture that dominates high schools and colleges today. According to Jessica, shirts that say things like “Future Wife” and “Virgins are Hot” are SEXIST!! (how shocking). She also hates purity balls. She hated this article from Time Magazine. Here’s an excerpt Jessica featured and called “creepy”:
Kylie Miraldi has come from California to celebrate her 18th birthday tonight. She’ll be going to San Jose State on a volleyball scholarship next year. Her father, who looks a little like Superman, is on the dance floor with one of her sisters; he turns out to be Dean Miraldi, a former offensive lineman with the Philadelphia Eagles. When Kylie was 13, her parents took her on a hike in Lake Tahoe, Calif. “We discussed what it means to be a teenager in today’s world,” she says. They gave her a charm for her bracelet–a lock in the shape of a heart. Her father has the key. “On my wedding day, he’ll give it to my husband,” she explains. “It’s a symbol of my father giving up the covering of my heart, protecting me, since it means my husband is now the protector. He becomes like the shield to my heart, to love me as I’m supposed to be loved.”
Creepy? I thought it was sweet. Jessica’s response?
Are families who don’t expect their daughters to promise their virginity to their dads promoting sex for 12 year-olds? Can’t dads be engaged in the lives of their daughters without worrying about the state of their hymen? And is telling women that their moral compass lays in between their legs really setting the bar high?
She didn’t mind an article from Salon.com bragging about how awesome casual hook-ups are. The writer gleefully recounts the many one-night stands “several night stands” she’s had as if it’s a positive thing:
I’m a 24-year-old member of the hookup generation — I’ve had roughly three times as many hookups as relationships — and, like innumerable 20-somethings before me, I’ve found that casual sex can be healthy and normal and lead to better adult relationships. I don’t exactly advocate picking up guys at frat parties and screwing atop the keg as the path to marital bliss. It’s just that hookup culture is not the radical extreme it is so frequently mischaracterized as in the media. There is sloppy stranger sex among people my age, sure, but sometimes hooking up is regular sex with a casual acquaintance; sometimes it’s innocent making out or casually dating or cuddling, and, oftentimes, it involves just one person at a time. In a sense it’s all very old-fashioned — there’s just a lot more unattached sex involved.
That, my friends, is Jessica Valenti’s example of “healthy” sexuality, remarking:
Some of you may already know that I’m working on a book about this culture of purity and chastity, and how it’s America’s obsession with virginity, not Girls Gone Wild and hooking up, that’s fucking young women up.
So, I’ll say it again.
Why is it so many feminists are so obsessed with turning teenage girls into raging whores? How is that something you tell girls they should aspire to? Sleeping around is not a good thing. Even if you take the emotional aspect out, it’s not physically healthy. There’s a reason that 1 in 4 teenage girls has an STD. I guess that doesn’t matter to Jessica, because hey, obviously as long as you practice “safe sex” you’ll NEVER get an STD! Condoms are absolutely foolproof, so hey, screw whoever you want. There won’t be any consequences. Right?
Oh, wait, apparently that’s not working out too good for teenage girls.
You would think, if for no other reason, you’d want to tell girls to rein it in if for no other reason than to safeguard their health. But hey, telling girls to be pure is really the problem. Girls Gone Wild culture is healthy, telling girls to keep their legs together is not.
Yeah, that’s the advice of a sane, rational person with girls’ well-being at heart.
See, for feminists like Jessica it’s not good enough to say it’s your choice when it comes to sex. Modern feminism isn’t about choice though, is it? No, Jessica and her ilk have to make everyone else act the exact same way they do. Is it to validate their own choices? I’d wager a bet on that, although if that is the truth, it would be the strongest argument against the point that Jessica is making.
Look, I’m not about to say that anyone who has premarital sex is a slut, or that if you have had a lot of sex it means you’re a terrible person. I am saying that spreading your shit like you’re Samantha on Sex and the City is not healthy and it’s not something you should be telling teenage girls they should be emulating.
And yes, fathers should be talking to their daughters about sex. While Jessica seems to think that the implication is that talking to their daughters about sex is the only way fathers can be involved in their daughters’ lives, that’s not the point at all. Fathers — and mothers — are supposed to be helping their children to grow, to learn, prepare them to make good choices. That includes sex. And telling your twelve-year-old, “You know what? You’re a smart kid. Do whatever is right for YOU!” is ludicrous. A girl that young simply does not have the maturity to make that kind of decision on her own! Her parents are supposed to guide her, and I personally find purity balls great ways to do that. To me, a purity ball is not teaching a girl that sex is something dirty or cheap (although telling her that she should hook up with whoever she wants certainly does). It tells her that sex is something sacred and special, and that it’s not something that she should give away to just anyone. Even if she has sex before she gets married, it’s a lesson she’ll likely carry on throughout her life. And how can you possibly argue that a girl who has limited partners is worse off than a girl who screws any guy who’ll buy her a few at a bar or flirt with her in class at college? And if respect and empowerment for herself is not a good enough reason to teach a girl to abstain, then the willpower required should be. Doing whatever you feel like whenever you feel like it makes for a very weak person, indeed. It doesn’t take strength or character to just do “whatever makes you feel good”.
I honestly think that what most of this is about when it comes to feminists like Jessica is self-loathing… you know, misery loves company and all. I can’t help but see someone extremely misguided, bitter, and angry in Jessica and the feminists like her. What’s truly pathetic is that they aren’t content with screwing up their own lives. No… they’ve got to ruin the lives of American teenage girls as well.
Maybe I should just write a book called “The Feminism Myth: How Feminists’ Obsession with Slutting Around is Hurting Young Women”. See, feminism did not come around as a vehicle for women to be able to have on-demand birth control and abortions, or sleep around like horndog men. And to have the values that the mothers of feminism stood for perverted by women who claim to be fighting for women’s rights is a myth, indeed.
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Interesting that site uses, as decorations, the silhouettes that truck drivers put on their mudflaps.
I just popped over here from Rachel Lukas’ blog and what’s the first thing I see? A post behind which I can get 150%. Now I’m going to have to spend the next couple of days reading your blog so I can catch up. Good thing I’ve got Bookmarks!!!
I suspect all this might have something to do with the leftist obsession with all things being equal. If humans BEHAVE like animals, then they cannot BE any better than animals. If humans are equal to animals, then what right have we to control them, eat them, cage them, keep them in our homes, etc. In addition, all the standards and morals we’ve been taught (i.e., Christian/Catholic doctrine) is rendered obsolete.
“Maybe I should just write a book called ‘The Feminism Myth: How Feminists’ Obsession with Slutting Around is Hurting Young Women’ ”
Well, it certainly doesn’t hurt the women who slut around with the noble Sisyphus. Does them alot of good, frankly. Ahem.
I think self-loathing hits the nail on the head.
From what I understand Jessica is a bit promiscuous and wrote about it in her previous book. I would theorize that she is a little jealous of those girls/women who can practice abstinence.
Kind of reminds me of Jessica’s follow feminist Amynda Marcotte who got offended by word “promiscuous”.
http://voxday.blogspot.com/2007/08/offended-by-english.html
Feminists seem intent on denying one simple fact of human reproduction: It takes, on average, 16-20 years of “parental oversight” to see that one’s offspring has a chance of survival in the human world.
That’s called a “family.”
Whether you f-ing like it or not!
Human beings are not starfish or elephants or trout or salamanders.
We take longer to mature than any other species on the planet.
Now, when you denigrate the family, you denigrate the opportunity for a human’s offspring to mature responsibly (no matter how you define the term).
Feminists are as against the concept of the family (patriarchical or matriarchical) as liberals are against national defense.
So when you relegate the human male as nothing more than a sperm donor, and the human female as THE PENULTIMATE CONCEPT OF THE HUMAN BEING, you basically condemn her to raise her offspring independently of the male (provided he provides financial support).
Hence, the slut culture blossoms from their invidious agenda.
But, of course, I am merely a sperm-donor pig without a molecule of common sense. Don’t bother to listen to me. I had two parents. What the hell do I know? It is even ludicrous that I am even capable of loving my own offspring.
There has never, in the history of the world, been a force more anti-female (not even Islam!) that has been more retrograde in its impact on the human female, than feminism.
Here’s a simple mental experiment that Jessica Valenti and her ilk can perform to see that they are being typical feminist idiots, begging for even more of that which they spend their lives railing against:
1. Other than her father, imagine the type of man that Jessica Valenti would not like running her life, much less the world.
2. Once you have done that, imagine the type of female behavior that such a man would prefer.
Here we go again with the Feminazi’s attacking traditional Christian sexual morality.
I simply don’t get it. Feminists like to complain about rape. But how many less rapes would there be if more young men believed that to have sex with a girl you must repect her and be committed to her?Many guys feel like girls owe them sex just for going on a date with them.
If we want to see the end of the “rape culture”, women need to do thier part and stop sleeping with scumbags. I try to do my part by being a resoectful, committed guy who wants to get married. Too bad feminists see the conservtive man as Satan.
[...] Continued here: Putting out is SO much better for girls than abstinence. [...]
Because if there’s one culture in this world obsessed with virginity, it’s America, where pop culture is filth and girls are entering high school already having had sex.
Not that other culture (I forget the name!) where deflowered virgins are stoned to death and women get “hymen reconstruction surgery.” Noooope. They clearly have the healthy attitude toward virginity.
I do agree though that there can be an unhealthy obsession with virginity. I know a lot of girls who made committments to be virgins until they are married, but then screw up one time and then give up on sexual morals all together. We need to remember that God is forgiving in this area.
Slutting around is terribly unhealthy emotionally, but since you can’t see or prove emotions the liberals reject that argument.
Slutting around is also physically unhealthy. This can be proved beyond any argument.
It boggles my mind that women that would never dream of drinking out a stranger’s glass are willing to let that same stranger stick their filthy dick in them.
Go read any medical encyclopedia’s section of the various sexually transmitted diseases and you won’t want to shake hands with strangers for a month, much less screw them.
It’s not all girls, either. I had a comparable talk about sex with my teenaged son, stressing the importance of committment, love, and maturity. But the most important thing I stressed is that, until you are old enough and employed enough to support a child, you’re not truly prepared to take part in the act that nature intended to produce one. I’m all for marriage, and have been in a very happy one for 28 years. But irresponsible reproduction is just that last link in the “raging whores” culture — a culture that debases humanity, and serves no one well.
(I linked in from “Conservative Grapevine.” As The Watcher says, “I’m going to have to spend the next couple of days reading your blog so I can catch up.”
I am sick and tired of the feminist machine. They do not speak for me. Promiscuity and abortion are not the definition of women
See, feminism did not come around as a vehicle for women to be able to have on-demand birth control and abortions, or sleep around like horndog men.
Hey, whad I do?
This reminds me of a conversation that I had with two young 15 year old ladies in a gym hot tub. I was about 27 and only slightly less foolish than I am now.
It was the second time I had seen them in the tub in about a month, so they were at least a little familiar with me. The conversation went from idle chatter, to talking about them hoping to get asked to either a junior or senior prom at their school. Then it went into what to do on that night if they get asked… Then came the question, “When is it the right time to lose your virginity?”
I am not sure why they asked me this, but for whatever reason they put their trust in me.
I answered them with this, “There are 2 questions that you need to ask yourself to know if you are ready. The first, are you ready to spend the rest of your life with this other person? The second, are you ready to raise a child?”
They were stunned as it showed on their faces. I think they listened. They probably were surprised at my answer. Not sure what happened with them, but I hope it helped them out. I am glad that I wasn’t giving them advice like this Jessica Valenti would have.
From the comments at Feministing: “The world is a better place because you write books. Thank-you!” [shudders]
Yes, Cassy you do need to write that book.
Fascinating. These neanderthal horndogs are advising against their own interests. It shows there are some good guys who come to this site. Look across the animal kingdom and you will see that males are so naturally driven they will kill or be killed for sex. Men are more tame than most animals, but barely. Traditionally, women have controlled sex. Women have decided when, where and with whom. If women as a group decide there are no controls or boundaries on sex, where are we headed as a society? As a neanderthal who drools over Cassy’s picture, part of me says, “Bring it on!”
Comment 15
“When is it the right time to lose your virginity?”
“I answered them with this, “There are 2 questions that you need to ask yourself to know if you are ready. The first, are you ready to spend the rest of your life with this other person? The second, are you ready to raise a child?””
And what about the question, “Your virginity is the one thing that is in your power to give of yourself. Once you give it you can never ever get it back. Do you really want to LOSE it and throw it away or let it be your choice to give it in Love.”
You don’t get do overs when you meet that one person that you could have given, in love, that one precious part of you to.
My evil plan to free the inner-tramps from all those hot prudish girls is coming to fruition. Women shouldn’t be expected to hold up to the pressures of being virgins. It’s too hard, obviously, for women to hold themselves in such high esteem, for so long a period of time.
I also would like to know, why take the demotion and call it equality?
[...] Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women” (discussed, among other places, here) doesn’t come out while I’m in high school / college but after I have a daughter. I [...]
Hard to believe we have to even have these arguments -wowza
The reasons for the feminists posistion are simple.
1. Women who wait until marriage are more likely to have non-adversarial relationships with men. Trusting men is evil.
2. Women who wait until marriage are more likely to vote Republican. Republicans are evil.
3. Women who wait until marriage are less likely to be poor. Rich people are evil.
4. Women who wait until marriage are more likely stay married. Marriage is evil.
5. Women who wait until marriage are more likely to marry men. Men are evil.
6. Women who wait until marriage are more likely to be religious. Religion is evil.
So, you see, it is clear what the feminists are concerned about you evil, rich, Republican, married, religious men and you evil women who trust them.
Sigh. Maybe you should look up feminism on wikipedia before you go around making claims about it. You show a gross misunderstanding of who feminists are and what they are trying to accomplish. Furthermore, not all feminists are the same. To lump them all into one category and say they are trying to turn “America’s teenagers into raging whores” is a ridiculous hyperbole.
It makes me cry that there are people–women, no less–out there who believe this stuff. Makes me glad I’m getting a degree that will be valid anywhere in the world, so that if–God forbid–people like this take over my country, I can leave, instead of being subjected to their desecration of the Constitution and of human rights.
And of course, on the side of your anti-woman (which is what an anti-feminist really is, as _all feminism means is “equality for women”_), fascist, hateful page is a woman in a fairly skimpy bikini, and one of her in a revealing tank top. If I’m as weak as the Religious Wrong wants me to believe, I must be unable to help myself, and incredibly turned on by said picture. Indeed, I would have to immediately run off, pull out my vibrator (http://store.babeland.com/vibrators-top-picks/laya-spot-assorted-colors, in pink), and masturbate.
Fortunately, I do have some self-control, and am only turned on by my girlfriend. Don’t worry though, she’s transgender and pre-operative, so we’re doing it the way you think God intended. And I’m on birth control, and we use condoms, and if I were to get pregnant, we’re prepared to deal with it, thanks. And to spend the rest of our lives together.
Your hate sickens me. I only hope you realize that it’s liberals who have fought for your right to free speech. And prayer. I’m a card-carrying ACLU member, and you better believe they defend things I disagree with. Like people praying in public. I wish you wouldn’t, but I support your right to. I support Fred Phelps’s right to spread his hate. And I support your right to publish these terrible things, I would go to court to fight for your right to publish these things, because I believe in free speech, and in the Constitution. Which is more than I can say for the pro-torture anti-civil liberties government.
One last thing–Jessica Valenti’s books opened my (13-year-old) brother’s eyes about the way women have been and are treated. He will never hit a woman, or rape a woman, or even just think he’s better than a woman because she’s a woman. Surely you can’t think that one more civilized male, one more gentleman, in the world is a bad thing. Surely.
Sigh. Maybe you should look up feminism on wikipedia before you go around making claims about it. You show a gross misunderstanding of who feminists are and what they are trying to accomplish. Furthermore, not all feminists are the same. To lump them all into one category and say they are trying to turn “America’s teenagers into raging whores” is a ridiculous hyperbole.
I’m sure that Wikipedia will give us a totally unbiased definition of what feminism is, much more what it has become in the last 40-odd years.
I think the one showing a “gross misunderstanding” here is you. You don’t see the connection between organizations like NOW, encouraging young women to slut around, become lesbians, have abortions, etc etc, as a way of “empowering” themselves, in pursuit of what feminists are “trying to accomplish.” Whatever that is.
Are you suggesting that by using the word “feminist,” you consider yourself more like Susan B Anthony and less like Gloria Steinem? If so – congratulations! Women now have suffrage. Can we now agree to drop the male-bashing “hyperbole,” the nonsense that women that don’t agree with the feminist movement aren’t real women, and all the rest of the collectivist groupthink?
Your hate sickens me. I only hope you realize that it’s liberals who have fought for your right to free speech. And prayer. I’m a card-carrying ACLU member, and you better believe they defend things I disagree with. Like people praying in public. I wish you wouldn’t, but I support your right to. I support Fred Phelps’s right to spread his hate. And I support your right to publish these terrible things, I would go to court to fight for your right to publish these things, because I believe in free speech, and in the Constitution. Which is more than I can say for the pro-torture anti-civil liberties government.
You’re a disgusting, reprehensible human being. May God have mercy on your soul.
Fascism is leftist, Abby. Fred Phelps is a Democrat, too. Boy, your side really has some winners!
And I’m sure Valenti’s books, like the Sexual Revolution, have opened men’s eyes. “So, under the guise of sexual liberation, I can use women for sex and then leave them helpless and pregnant? Score!” The Sexual Revolution has been a monumental joke played by men on women, and women, of all things, are the ones constantly praising it!
Liberals have been just as fierce opponents of free speech as anyone else. Woodrow Wilson, our first fascist President, wanted to suppress contrary opinions during the war. Obama’s got a Truth Squad silencing speech in Missouri. Get off your high horse.
When the ACLU refused to support the Second Amendment, they lost the last shred of credibility they ever had. Civil liberties for some, fascism for others – is that their credo?
Cylar: What does your god say about calling people disgusting and reprehensible? And what exactly makes me so? The paragraph you quoted says that I support free speech above all else. Including your right to call me names. But what did I say that inspired it?
Vernunft: Fascism is leftist? Yes, I always forget what a bleeding liberal Mussolini was. Fred Phelps is a Democrat? The man has devoted his life to saying hateful, hurtful things about gays (seriously, godhatesfags.com made me CRY) and you think he supports the party which acknowledges that gays are people?
Can I see some documentation on this “Truth Squad”, please? And not a link from a right-wing site, thanks.
I support the Second Amendment, as it is written. Which does not say that anybody in America should be allowed to go buy a gun, any time. An automatic weapon, at that. The Framers could not have imagined the kind of killing machines we would create by this point in time.
“You don’t see the connection between organizations like NOW, encouraging young women to slut around, become lesbians, have abortions, etc etc,”
You realize that lesbians pretty much NEVER have abortions, right?
Cylar:
I guess you missed the part about the 3 waves of feminism. You site examples of the first two, Anthony and Steinem, but you never mention the 3rd wave which is what we have been in since the 1990’s. You are twenty years behind in your understanding of what feminism is, hence the “gross misunderstanding”.
3rd wave feminism is, among other things, interested in terrible, society-destroying, godless causes such as equal work for equal pay, ending violence against women, and providing safe, affordable health care. Sounds awful, doesn’t it?
just wanted to say, i love your gun! you are one tough hardcore way down in the south blues lady! i’m sure if someone tried to take your viginity, they would get shot!
you’re my hero!!! i love you!!!
So… it’s wrong to tell girls that if they aren’t virgins, they’re not bad people?
It’s ok to call girls sluts if they have sex?
You are all so mean.
And, ironically, you are mean because you’re obsessed with virginity.
Parents can tell their kids to not have sex. But if the kids do, what then? Are they “bad people?”
It is almost FUNNY how poor your logical skills are. What seems to be even worse isthat fact that have read this book and make these assumptions. OHHHHH wait, you HAVEN”T read the book.
You are just jumping to assumptions about the book and making poor conclusions about feminism. Saying that purity culture harms women DOES NOT equal sleeping around is good.
Please, for the sake of this country learn something about logical fallicies.
And also, since you seem to love guns god and country or something how about all the promiscuity in the military? When will you purity chaser start honing in on that?
Do you not even realize your own hypocrisy?
Besides, you haven’t even read the book, you cannot ever judge a book by it’s cover.
A comment I saw somewhere else:
“purity balls” for 7-year-olds to pledge their virginity to their dads. No, that isn’t sexualizing young girls AT ALL…
This book has not even been published yet. Not one of you has read this book, including the original poster, and including me. It is completely insane that you would jump to such astounding conclusions. You are trashing a book you haven’t read solely based on your incorrect interpretation of the title and your incorrect views on feminists.
I, however, have read both the title (which reads “…America’s Obsession with Virginity is Hurtful…,” , not simply “Virginity is Hurtful…”), and Valenti’s brief explanations of what this book is about. She is not opposed to virginity. She is not against chastity. Her problem is with people who push virginity on girls using fear and shame tactics and who thereby push the idea that a girl’s value is in her vagina, or rather, her hymen. It’s not. It’s possible to be a good, valuable young woman without being a virgin. All girls should be raised to know this. She is a valuable person. Period.
And, speaking of STD rates, abstinence only programs that scare young people out of using condoms do not keep them from having sex. They scare the kids out of buying condoms, making them more likely to spread disease when they do have sex. And they *do* have sex.
Do feminists really benefit from “slut culture” or do men who use women benefit from it? Why are we as women having this arguement?
“Larry Sheldon Says:
9:43 pm
Interesting that site uses, as decorations, the silhouettes that truck drivers put on their mudflaps.”
Larry, You’re really dumb if you don’t understand why she used those images. Go to the website and think about it. It’s not that hard. Honestly, it’s quite clever!
And this book was not written to encourage girls to whore around! It’s about how young women should not be defined by the state of their hymen.
It seems that this book is trying to point out that a woman’s worth should not be based on whether or not her hymen is intact. I don’t think that’s such a terrible, radical idea.
Sigh. Where to even begin.
Don’t fucking bother. You’ll just make yourself look stupider than– oops! Too late!
I think this review would be more informative if instead of character based attacks on the author, you used rational argument to rebut the points the book makes.
Considering you do not state that you read the book and do not quote the book directly, this means that you are reviewing blog posts and articles the author may have also read, not this book itself.
Please read the book and refute the text and ideas presented therein as well as review the argument the author is making and how well or badly she supports this point.
Who cares what Jessica Valenti has to say about sex? She is downright hideous, and therefore doesn’t have to worry about anyone wanting to have sex with her. For someone who describes everything as “creepy,” Jessica Valenti has a creepy smile and a lazy eye. So does sis Vanessa. She’s all-around yucky.
Interesting you would mention the fact that one in four girls have stds. I would cite that as a fact supporting Jessica’s conclusion that the obsession with purity is bad for girls. Girls in the Bush era probably have not received good information about preventing pregnancy or stds, since they have been exposed to abstinence education in most parts of the country. So they are told there is no such thing as good sex, and so when they have sex, which many do in spite of that advice, they are less likely to have protection.
By the way, do you feel that every teen who has sex is promiscuous or a slut? It seems that way. That’s pretty weird.
Stay classy, Liz!
You may want to read her book (you know, once it’s published) along with her other book before you claim that she is encouraging all young women to be sluts. She actually discusses AT LENGTH the negative impact that Girls Gone Wild has on young women (and men for that matter). Imagine going to English class and critiquing a book written by a professor without reading it. You wouldn’t do that now would you.
I have learned that it usually gives you a leg to stand on when you know what your arguing. Try it out next time…
Oh and somehow girls with guns are supposed to be less scary than Jessica’s book….
I’m glad that Liz (43) doesn’t feel the need to use statistics, or documentation, or even basic logic, but prefers to instead just insult Jessica Valenti’s looks–which shouldn’t even matter in your world, where no one has sex anyway.
Personally, I would totally do her. Responsibly, of course, because I was lucky enough to be taught about safer sex. Not so for the four girls in my high school class who got knocked up at 17, 18, 19 and are not going to college or doing anything real with their lives. They didn’t have sex ed, and now they and their babies are going to pay for the failings of the government.
Jessica Valenti has a creepy smile and a lazy eye.
So do I but I’m quite the Ladies Man.
I’ll keep my good eye out for you.
“Your virginity is the one thing that is in your power to give of yourself…You don’t get do overs when you meet that one person that you could have given, in love, that one precious part of you to.”
Ha ha ha, YEAH, because I’ll never have a job, or write, or volunteer, or “give of myself” in any way other than having sex. Truly, my vag is the “one precious part” of me. For Christ’s sake. You complain about “feminists” reducing women to sexual objects, but you just said that the ONLY value women have resides between their legs.
Also? I’m just going to assume Cas here is a virgin. Unless you’d like to step in to correct me, Cas? Remember: virgin and slut are your only options, so if you had a sexual relationship with someone in the past and it did not work out, you are, by your own logic, a “whore.” Or, you know, a hypocrite. Choose wisely.
You are extremely arrogant. I suggest you read the book before you try and critique it.
We feminists aren’t plotting to make whores out of everyone, I swear.
This purity issue lies in the obsession with virginity this culture has. Your sexual choices are up to you, not anyone else. It is your own personal business. If one chooses to practice abstinence, fine. If one chooses to have sex, fine. Feminism is all about choices!
Also, you make it seem as though one can either be perfect and virginal or a dirty slut. There’s a middleground, believe it or not!!
And lastly, the whole purity ball thing, is infact CREEPY. Receiving a lock necklace while your dad holds the key until he gives it to your future husband; so men control your body at all times in your life, first your daddy then husband?!?! That is really weird and wrong!
You’re just like those students in my class that I can tell haven’t studied the material before they wrote the essay. I’d totally give you an F.
I for one am glad for voices like Jessica’s. Women who aren’t afraid to stick up for other women who enjoy having control of their own bodies and sexuality. Oh yeah, and she’s totally hot.
Put down the gun and back away slowly…please.
Larry, note that the icon on Feministing’s website is based on the mudflap design but is flipping the bird. I’m not sure what your point was in mentioning that but I just thought I’d clarify.
So, where’s the “choice” on your side? I can “choose” to be a virgin (because abstinence-only education is SOOO successful!), make a “mistake”, or be a disease-ridden slut. I suppose you’d have to pull your head an impossibly long distance out of your fascist, “handmaiden’s tale”, lets-make-america-into-taliban-afghanistan-to-”protect”-women’s asses to read a FEMINIST book like Female Chauvanist Pigs which CONDEMNS Girl’s Gone Wild, hook-up culture. There’s not even a hint of civility covering your Neo-Christian, hate-mongering ignorance.
Irony is lost on Republicans.
Hey everyone,
I just want to say you really misunderstand her position.
I am a woman who has chosen abstinence for herself. That said, the point is- it’s a choice and if I hadn’t no one would or should think less of me, or find me a less valuable addition to their life.
Truly, ourselves as humans and beautiful, thoughtful, moral, compassionate, kind, forgiving, mothering, loving beings should count more than how many people have seen our private parts. There is so much more to life and humanity than that. The idea that a woman’s intrinsic worth, when she is capable of offering so much more than her virginity, goes down if she has exchanged pleasure with someone, is damaging to everyone. To find someone is spoiled because of it sort of takes our choice away from us, and also is additional emotional damage for those who have been assaulted.
Another thing is- it feeds hate between women. None of us deserve it- and we should reserve judgment for something truly immoral, not choosing to engage in a consentual, loving act. A vagina is still a gift… our lives and bodies and brains and souls are gifts, and history of all kinds is a gift.
As I’ve said, I’ve chosen my path but I refuse to be so hateful to others who live their own paths peacefully and respectfully. The idea that a woman is iether a virgin or a whore IS damaging… it devalues us as human beings, who lead complicated, subtle lives. There is more to protect than our virginity… when you say our fathers protect our hearts, that is a beautiful idea, but our hearts our in our chest, our mind, our soul… not between our legs.
With love.
Another thing-
Purity balls do suggest that a father has invested interest in his daughter’s use of her vagina. That is… weird, and yes, puts a strange highlight on sex. My dad wants me to make wise decisions for myself, but he would never want to know when I lose my virginity, nor would it change his opinion of me in the slightest. He just wants me to be happy.
What I think is odd is that a lot of feminists and you guys (anti-feminists?) agree that the over-sexualized culture is destructive for girls and women. I am very opinionated about that- it absolutely is. I think people are rushing into sex and expected to, I think porn has infiltrated everything, and it sucks. But in no way do I think that it has to be black/white/virgin/whore. Again- morality, and heart, are not breakable bubbles between our legs.
Thanks again.
Mary, thanks for what you’ve said. I FULLY respect your choice of abstinence. I would punch anyone who suggested that you should run out and have sex if that’s not what you want. Okay, not punch, but definitely yell at. Abstinence isn’t a bad thing. But it’s never going to happen to everyone, and demonizing sex, and not educating about it, only serves to ruin girls’ (not boys’!) self-esteem and get them pregnant. Abstinence-only education doesn’t work. Study after study says it not only doesn’t work, it INCREASES teen pregnancy, STI rate, and abortion rate.
Choose to be abstinent, that’s great, and I really will kick in the balls any guy who pressures you into more. Just allow me the same choice too. (Not you, Mary, you clearly understand that idea, but others not so much.)
And no way is a father having an involvement in his daughter’s sex life not creepy, and no way is a father essentially owning his daughter, and handing her to her husband, not creepy and medieval. Or, sadly, far too recent. Perhaps these women would like to go back to a time when they really were owned by their fathers and then husbands? They couldn’t vote, of course, or own property, but that’s cool, right?
LOL @ all these people from Feministing xD
I totally agree with you 100% Cassy!
If these Purity Balls are such a wonderful thing, I have to ask why aren’t teenaged boys being asked to pledge their purity to their Moms? Doesn’t it take two to tango?
By having only girls do this, you’re opening yourselves up to criticism that you’re training girls to see themselves as the property of the males around them. It’s hard to find any other explanation for why these kind of pledges and ceremonies are considered unseemly for boys.
I agree with the author — virginity is a drag! I am so glad I didn’t just have sex with one man, like my mother did. Sex is so different with different people. Some, of course, are a lot better than others! What could be more interesting and gratifying to experiment with than sex? I’m married to a wonderful man who’s a wonderful lover now, but I couldn’t have appreciated him if I’d had my legs all tied up in a frigid pretzel all my life.
Jessica Valenti is a heck of a lot better looking than the woman who runs this site. Furthermore, she dresses herself tastefully. What’s a prude like Cassy doing showing SO MUCH FLESH on this website?
Why do you all have to judge each other’s choices? Why can’t you just live your life your way and they live their life their way and you can all leave it at that? For some people sex is a beautiful expression of love and openness that they experience with more than one person. For others it’s the beginning of a lifelong commitment. For still others, they’re basically using each progressive sexual partner as an empty vessel for pleasure. I obviously prefer some of these choices over the others, but I’m proud to live in a country where we can make whatever choice we like.
And I’m sorry, but women should not have to be “gatekeepers” for men who can’t control themselves. Some of us actually respect men enough to think they have a brain as WELL as a penis, thank you very much…
Yes Michelle, a lot of people have come from feministing to check out this post. But a lot of them have contributed very well thought-out, rational ideas about what female sexuality means in our culture, comments which weren’t degrading in any way to the author of this post — comments that were simply trying to contribute another way of looking at this discussion. Perhaps some of them are worth a read?
Andrew says:
Oh, man. Rape is a very serious subject, so let me just say this about your comment, Andrew.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG WHAT A TOTAL IDIOT YOU ARE.
That is all.
Pleasure is not a worthless or “empty” experience. Pleasure is delightful. If you have psychological or physiological limitations that make you underrate pleasure, please seek therapy, and let those of us who can enjoy what’s enjoyable continue to do so in peace. After all, Jesus hung out with Mary Magdalene!
C’mon now, we dudes need all the pussy we can get!
Yes, Amanda, so of them are worth a read.
But you are all saying pretty much the same thing, yeah?
Michelle,
You seem to think the Feministing comments are all saying the same thing, but they are honest. Not like someone having an opinion on a book they never read.
Also, they do not all say the same thing, which you will know when you get done reading them. Just because they disagree with you doesn’t mean they all repeat the same thing over and over.
[...] be able to have on-demand birth control and abortions, or sleep around like horndog men.” – Cassy Fiano “From what I understand Jessica is a bit promiscuous and wrote about it in her previous book. [...]
Bumblebee, thank you so much for this: “And I’m sorry, but women should not have to be “gatekeepers” for men who can’t control themselves. Some of us actually respect men enough to think they have a brain as WELL as a penis, thank you very much…”
It drives me nuts that people think men are animals like that. And most just let the stereotype continue, I suppose because then they have an excuse for when they _do_ act like animals.
It looks like SouthernBaptist covered this one, but no — they don’t all say the same thing. There are many that simply pointed out that Cassy can’t have read the book, true, but there are a lot that could provoke a good discussion. And those are the ones that I was implying are worth reading.
I think you are missing the point. America is obbsessed with virginity and obbsessed with the state of the hymen, there is no inbetween with you she’s either a whore or a virgin. Can a woman who has a healthy sex life be considered a whore? I haven’t had sex, and I am not planning to for a while, why should someone run around telling me that my humanity is based on the state of my hymen. Purity rings and purity balls are all the rage now, I am not property and it is my body and I will not promise it to anyone, I love my father, we have a great relationship but he has no control over my body. For the record Jessica is not obbsessed with sex and she doesn’t hate herself. She is a strong freed women and she wrote on feminist that she is indifferent to sex and virginity. She wants to give women the choice. Leave her alone, especially since you haven’t even read the book, because it hasn’t come out. I think I’ll be the first to buy it. I think you may loath yourself to see your entire worth as a hymen, I am more than that you may not think you are but I know I am.
Has anyone noticed that this posts comments have been infiltrated with Feministing posters? This could be because they made a post on feministing a few days ago linking to this article.
http://www.feministing.com/archives/011519.html
They Just had a post a week or so ago on feministing whining about posters making comments that most feminist don’t agree with, pretty much asking for poster and post they don’t agree with to be banned and removed and complainting that posters who don’t agree with feminist are trolls. Then they come to a right wing blog and do the exact same thing, post annoying comment that people who read this blog more than likely will not agree with. Don’t you just love their hypocrisy?
As for the whole virgin thing. I think that some people can take it to far. Obviously it is not good for anyone to go around having sex with tons of people, but I think it is crazy, and not to mention hypocritical for people and society to ask for women to stay virgins until they are married, but apparently not having a problem if men go around having sex with any woman he can get his hands on.
So I think it should be a choice. If a person wants to have sex before they are married or of they want to wait until they are married, it all up to them, its their choice. But apparently feminist don’t understand choice, if they did then they would not be trashing girls and women who have chosen abstinence.
“But apparently feminist don’t understand choice, if they did then they would not be trashing girls and women who have chosen abstinence.”
These girls aren’t choosing it. Their society, church, and fathers are choosing it for them. And being told that it’s what they *have* to do doesn’t generally work. Leading to pregnancy and STIs. I suppose abstinence if that’s what you choose. But I don’t support other people choosing it for you, or not keeping you informed anyway.
Oh, and the trolls on Feministing, from the little I’ve seen (I don’t go there much), say stuff like this:
Women are lower than men and just here for our pleasure and you should all go back in the kitchen you whores you’re asking for it when you get raped now suck my dick and make me a steak.
That’s a troll. Actual discussion is a little different.
Abby, fascism WAS leftist. Mussolini, if you really want to go there, was admired by leftists in the United States. Do you know anything about history? The Progressive movement always had an authoritarian element to it, as it was conceived of as a way of imposing a government-mandated collectivism over the factional loyalties inherent in religion, family, and other private associations. Fascism, a nationalist socialism, is exactly what Woodrow Wilson et al. wanted for us – patriotism in the service of a totalitarian political ideal. That fascism was more “friendly” in the U.S. doesn’t make it any better, and it’s bizarre, to say the least, to have leftists today explicitly making the connection by calling themselves progressives.
Fred Phelps is a Democrat. That’s a bare fact about him. His party affiliation is Democratic. This isn’t up for debate, as if it’s a matter of interpretation – the man has run for office as a Democrat.
http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080930/NEWS15/80930007/1215/NEWS15 There’s your truth squad.
No one here said the Second Amendment is unrestricted. We just think it exists, which is more than liberals and the ACLU can say. Shameful.
I enjoy how you can’t just present your arguments without resulting to personal snide remarks. “Do you know anything about history?” “[W]hich is more than liberals and the ACLU can say. Shameful.”
Progressive. One who is for progress. Yeah, damn that progress.
I’m fully aware that the Second Amendment exists, and fully aware that conservatives pervert its meaning to include automatic weapons, machine guns, grenade launchers.
Fred Phelps can call himself anything he wants, but I promise you, he does not speak for the Democratic Party. For that, I would look to the Party’s platform, or perhaps people actually elected as Democrats.
We’ve entirely left the original subject, which was the right of women to have control over our bodies and not be told by society how to use them–and that our worth is determined by the state of our hymens.
Churches don’t want the State to have power over them–as it shouldn’t–, so why do they insist on injecting themselves into the State?
[...] Cassy Fiano’s post was my fave, “Putting out is SO much better for girls than abstinence.” (And it’s [...]
[...] said that Girls Gone Wild is anything but a fucked up organization run by a rapist. For people like Fiano and Andersen to warp – and just lie! – about this work that I do, it’s just beyond [...]
Sady (post #50), you totally misrepresented the person’s views.
He or she was not reducing a woman’s worth to her vagina only. (That would actually be what the feminist position comes down to.)
And technically, yes, if someone has sex outside of marriage, he or she is a whore / slut.
The “obsession” with virginity does not hurt young women. It protects them.
Alyssa post 51 wrote: “There’s a middleground, believe it or not!!”
Actually, no, there’s not a middle ground on this issue. The Bible is pretty definite that people are to remain virgins until they marry (this applies to males as well as females).
But you wouldn’t know there’s a “choice” when American society as a whole treats people who abstain from sex as though they’re freaks, and the way sex is featured in every TV and magazine ad and every movie and TV show.
Fornication is, unfortunately, depicted as being normal, acceptable, and what everyone is doing.
Post #52.
Interesting. Why is it that libs, Dems, and feminists always understand a woman being in control of her own body to mean “a woman can and should be able to whore around and get abortions.”
I never see libs, Dems, or feminsts interpret it or define it to mean a woman who adheres to traditional sexual morality.
Post 54.
Ethical Slut, I’m not sure what your problem is.
Nobody is forcing you to be chaste or pure.
You can whore around all you want to, but don’t expect people such as me to say we accept it, like it, or approve of it.
Linda, post 61 – deviant and disgusting. I feel sorry for you.
You also clearly have a selfish view of sex – it’s all about bringing you pleasure. Sex isn’t just about you getting an orgasm.
Melissa, 66. But Jesus did not have sex with Mary. (You do realize that the Da Vinci Code book has been debunked many times over, right?)
Abby wrote (#75),
“These girls aren’t choosing it. Their society, church, and fathers are choosing it for them.”
Uh no, they’re not *forcing* these girls to do anything; they are teaching the girls, informing them, leading them.
These girls could still have sex if they really wanted to.
It’s not as though these fathers or churches have placed chastity belts on the girls, or have put guns to their heads.
I don’t see what’s so “weird” about a father being concerned about any aspect of his daughter’s life.
If I were a father, I know I would not want my daughter screwing around, getting STDs, possibly getting pregnant, or getting her heart broken because she thought the bozo who slept with her did it from love when all he wanted was sex.
i think we need to look at what we are saying. we are being sexist by calling girls slutty when they hook up with random guys, but guys we congratulate when they hook up with random girls. we need to realize how we are presuring the youth of america into feeling sex is dirty. if a girl loses her virginity at 17 with a guy she likes alot, that likes her, and they have been going out for along time, and it is consenual why should she feel dirty afterwords. this is because of how we pressure girls into being pure.
Abby wrote (#75),
“These girls aren’t choosing it. Their society, church, and fathers are choosing it for them.”
the girls are not really choosing and becuase of all this they will feel guilty afterwords. we need to have a moral check.
We should think about waht they want, and not what we want for them. we just need girls to know the consquence, but not feel pressure not to make the leep
[...] case you didn’t know, that is Feministing’s own Jessica Valenti (she loved my comments about her soon-to-be published book), talking about Pharmacists For Life [...]
Well if you read more of her blogs on feministing, Jessica Valenti is not saying if you’re a virgin that’s wrong and she has made that clear. Being a virgin is not a bad thing at all but neither is bein sexually active and that’s the point she’s trying to make. Purity balls are wierd and even my dad feels that way. I think a girl being a virgin should be 100% her choice and her father saying he’s going to protect her virginity until her husband comes along and takes it IS sexist. Where is your choice in that decision. What if your dad doesn’t like your husband in the future? You can’t marry and give your virginity to him because he says no. Where is your choice in that I repeat!?
I don’t see how you can judge the book before you read it but on the cover, it says, “America’s OBSESSION with virginity.” Pretty much saying how America is obsesssed with keeping girls my age pure because like what she put in her book, Full Frontal Feminism, that they say in abstinence classes, “our virginity is like a lollipop and if we let a guy suck on our lollipop, sure it’ll feel good but once he’s done we have nothing left but a saliva infested lollipop.”
I don’t find that healthy for girls my age to hear. Another thing about the article in Time Magazine about Purity Balls is that in the article, they said a girl was raped and she felt like she couldn’t wear her purity ring anymore because she felt no longer “pure.” To me the fact she felt that can show there is something damaging with America shoving virginity and being pure down our throats.
P.S. Why must it be putting out? Why can’t we just be having sex. You make it sound like women just give it up because the man says so and not because we actually want to fuck.
It’s a stretch for me to even say that I think Purity Balls are a good thing. Personally, I don’t believe they are. But here’s my question.
Allowing your father to present you with a lock, allowing him to guide you throughout your dating life, and allowing him to protect your virginity is a fairly monumental decision, no? A 12 year old girl is neither consciously able to decide whether she supports abstinence or not. Children should have parents guidance, but if children, CHILDREN, aren’t able to make up THEIR OWN MINDS about what their beliefs, morals, and ethics are, then they should not be lead (and I do say lead, because they are impressionable) to one extreme or another.
Perhaps too idealistically, we could allow our children to perhaps refrain from having sex until the age of 16, when they are perhaps able to understand the implications of their actions.
There is no way that a 12 year old can understand how having sex or not having sex will affect her life, so we should neither support their participation in sexual activities, but we should also not drag them to purity balls when they can’t even understand what their virginity means to them.
Here is the problem – fathers, parents, forcing their children to attend purity balls. Perhaps not even forcing them, children are, for the most part, inclined to believe that their guardians will always have their best interests at heart. If you say a child can’t understand the implications of adult sex before marriage, then you say that they cannot comprehend the gravity, or lack thereof, sexual actions.
And they cannot be forced, should not be forced, to make a decision on what they don’t understand.
My attempt at being moderate, so let me throw out a comment to make this personal – I love sex, I’m not ashamed of my sexuality, I celebrate it with people I love and trust. Really – some of you all just act like fucking nutbags.
Brittany, I agree with you. When I was 11, I told my parents that I wanted to have a Bat Mitzvah (A tradition in Judaism that marks the passage into adulthood.) By the time I was 13, and about to have said Bat Mitzvah, I was completely fed up and hated that I had ever said yes. At 11, I didn’t understand the entire process that would take place, and how much work I would have to put in, in order to partake in the ceremony. That was only two years before I had my Bat Mitzvah.
If I couldn’t understand the (much simpler process) of having a Bat Mitzvah only two years before I had it, then how is any young girl supposed to understand the pros and cons of having sex?
“There’s a reason that 1 in 4 teenage girls has an STD.”
I agree, abstinence is the only sure fire way to keep women from getting an STD/STI, or from getting pregnant. However, the purity balls seem to be about keeping the women pure, rather than keeping them healthy. “‘giving up the covering of my heart, protecting me, since it means my husband is now the protector.’” So, her father holds her heart, protecting her from sex, but once her heart is passed on to her husband, the sex becomes fine and dandy? This is all about making sure women are pure for their husbands, and there’s nothing wrong with that if the woman truly wants that up until the day she’s married. But there’s something very strange about having little girls making these decisions before they understand their implications.
Also, maybe you should actually wait until the book comes out before you pass judgment on it. And if you really want to criticize, do some research first.
“So for the record: I think virginity is fine, just as I think having sex is fine. I don’t really care what women do sexually, and neither should you. In fact, that’s the point. I believe that a young woman’s sexual choices – no matter what they be – shouldn’t have a bearing on how they’re seen as moral actors.” -Jessica Valenti, on feministing.com
http://www.feministing.com/archives/011519.html (It’s towards the bottom.)
not really sure there’s an overwhelming obsession with virginity anywhere in the states at the moment. hooking up is the new thing little boys and girls are all talking about and you’re considered weird if you haven’t given or received a handjob by junior high. the show is called ’sex and the city’ not ‘chastity and the virgin’. i wonder where the writer of the book lives. maybe utah?
I like what you said about willpower and how doing whatever you want whenever you want shows a very weak person. I totally agree. I enjoy the whole article. Write your book! Seriously, thanks for sharing this all…
Hmmm perhaps the problem lies in abstinence only sexual education. *Expecting* the teenaged women will be the gatekeepers of morality and self control at all times has led to more and more teen pregnancies.
Yes of course parents should talk to their children. About the physical aspect. About the emotional aspect. About STD’s. About pregnancy. About rape. About birth control. Because when it comes down to it, teenagers and teenagers and some of them *are* going to engage in sex, and the least parents and our school systems can do is educate teens.
I’m a mother and fully intend to have many many conversations with my child and future children about sex. I specifically speak frankly about body parts and pregnancies and such to my child now (who is grade school aged) specifically so I can have conversations with him later on with the minimum of embarrassment. And to stress that having sex while a young teenager isn’t a great choice. But I’m also going to make sure that they know what a condom and birth control are!
It is insane that women are more highly valued as virgins, while the status matters not for men.
What gets me is that more and more young women are beginning to believe that sex is their only ticket to a good relationship. Big media (Cosmo, Vogue, billboards, TV, movies, etc…) has them all believing that they’re fat and ugly, so what else do they have to offer a good man, right? Funny thing is that it’s completely counter intuitive. You won’t find one man who’ll turn a woman down for sex, but no man wants a real relationship with a woman who’s willing to drop trou at the first opportunity she gets.
Ok, so I just read your post and didn’t read the other posts (I know, bad me), but I just wanted to say, RIGHT ON! Why can modern feminists not see that the “hook-up” culture is a culture that is idealized and promoted by men who desire to have fewer expectations placed upon them by women? Why is it so hard to get through to some that instead of creating a culture of women who have “sex like men”, we really need to reverse the paradigm and raise the expectations of men in our culture- instead of lowering our expectations of women. I believe in equality and I believe in self-respect and discipline for both men and women.
I also saw Jessica on the Today Show a few weeks ago. She was on with another author who was promoting abstinence. Jessica could not stress enough that virginity ruins women. Which, and this may be old fashioned, I thought was a little harsh to be saying, as it is THE ONLY method that is 100% effective to prevent pregnancies and STDs. Should we really condemn the only thing that is proven to work, even if it is a slightly harder path? I’m not sure how she’s an expert on this subject, but she is missing a HUGE lapse in judgement.
This article or whatever it is is so political that it has nothing to do with sex. Only jobless or someone sho has nothing to do can read this crap.
1 in 4 teen girls “has” an STD, eh? That’s present tense there, lady. 1 in 4? What Russian brothel was this poll taken at? I have never understood why sex is supposed to be sacred in the least. There’s a health issue attached for sure, but as for the sacred part, leave that up to the person having, or not having sex. Don’t push your ideas on anybody. If a 12 year old has sex and later on regrets it, big deal! It’s part of their growing up and experiences and sheltering them from mistakes is the worst thing you can do. The feminist is just trying to say that a womans privates don’t get passed from daddy to hubby. She owns them, period (pardon the pun). EIther way, people that say they are right wing, or left wing scare me. Nothing says narrow minded quite like declaring in writing how inflexible you are. I also hope that the Smoking Hot Commentary has nothing to do with the pic of the chubby girl with the gun. The right wing dudes love Ann Coulter because they want to have sex with her more than they want to hear her views. Chastity? Abstinence? Then don’t sexualize yourself on your own page, girl. Stop pushing your views on people. Talk about what works or doesn’t work for YOU, and suggest others can do the same. That’s the best one can do for anyone over the age of puberty, or you become a tyrant.
Hah here i was trying to comment after i read what you wrote, and i kept reading everyone else’s i agree completely with pretty much everything i read (since after a while i said, i gotta post something and quit reading what everyone else said) but anyway Cassy, you rule. keep telling the truth. i hope other women out there check out your site
I’m a feminist (in the old sense of the word), and I agree completely with what you’re saying. Keep up the good work.
Actually, if the premise of your argument is that sex is physically dangerous because of STD’s then could some one please explain to me why none of the legal brothels in Nevada have EVER had even one case of any STD. The girls there get blood tests every month and paps weekly. (I’ll give you a hint, its called “education”)
More teenagers need to learn how to properly use condoms as well as how to recognize physical symptoms of std’s.
Face it, these days, virgins in their 20’s are an extreme rarity. It is in our nature to want to have sex.
What is the one way to have a child do something….prohibit them from doing it. Teaching children about sex and that maybe a little fun with multiple people is actually ok.
When you have purity rings, purity balls, chastity pacts all they do is focus those children on SEX. All they are talking about is SEX, all they are thinking about is SEX and all is making them want to do is have sex. Maybe the book is a little off, but the other side is just as screw up a plan, maybe more
You need to get laid.
Reeelaxxxxx.
Dear Andrew from Penn State,
Feminists do like to “complain about rape”, for good reason. Women are not raped because they “sleep with scumbags”, they are raped because someone decides to rape them. Perhaps the reason they don’t put value in that “traditional christian sexual morality” bullshit is because its degrading and oppressive towards women. We will not be ashamed of our bodies. Thank you Jessica Valenti for all the work you’ve done and all the work you continue to do towards Womyn’s Liberation.
Sincerely, Foxfire
I’m prety sure the author was talking about the extreme purity balls (which I also disagree with). These girls look at their father to control their lives until they’re married, in which case their father hands the reins to their new husband. It seems like an unhealthy relationship to me. I was a daddy’s girl growing up, so I understand letting your father in your life. My dad used to paint my toe nails with me. These girls pledge their sexual lives to their father (in the sense that their father controls their virginity and gets to hand it off to their husband. If the girls violate their virginity, they dishonor their father). That seems a step to far.
“You’re a disgusting, reprehensible human being. May God have mercy on your soul.”
Quick to judge, hmmm? Do not condemn the judgment of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong.
-Dandemis
Also, “let he who is without sin, cast the first stone”
I do not offer any personal advice on this post. I find myself in the middle on a lot of the issues. Everyone should not be so fast to judge. It’s as if everyone has this perfect idea of what morals are and if another person differs then they are bound for hell and not a human being. God will judge all of us. We should learn to live our lives to the fullest and not be concerned with what others do.(Caveat, this does not apply when the rights of others are infringed on by physical threat.)